Saturday Morning

    Saturday mornings were Brad's "project days." He always had something going on. It could be something as typical as yard work, or maybe it was installing cable in the kitchen so we could have a tv in there. He might've painted, or patched holes in the wall, put up a tile backsplash or installed new light fixtures…one year he built a storage room in our garage! He was so 'handy.' He also loved to go all out decorating for holidays. Now, on this Saturday morning, I am wondering where in the world I am going to find someone to help get the Christmas tree out of the attic, help hang the outside wreaths, someone to replace the outside flood lights, etc…

    I don't want to have to depend on other people. It's hard to ask for help. Friends offer to help, but I don't want to bother anyone. I don't want anyone to have to go out of their way. I am a 'people pleaser' and I want to do things for others, not have others do things for me. That may sound silly to some, to not want to ask for help, but I have found asking for help to be one of the hardest thigs to do. Maybe it's because Brad always did everything. We hardly ever had to hire anyone to do anything. That's not to say it would'nt have been a bad idea to do so. One time, he installed new light fixtures in the upstairs bathroom. He had done that countless times before, but for some reason, this task was a little bit more difficult. He 'thought' he had done everything correctly….then, when he turned the breaker back on, sparks starting flying everywhere and I was trapped in the back part of the bathroom with a paintbrush in my hand! I was screaming at him to turn it off, but he was all the way outside and couldn't hear me! I think Nate learned really quickly when mom yells in a certain tone, he better come running! Crisis averted, no fire. But we had a good laugh about it afterwards.

     This morning, I just got back from taking Nate to his basketball game. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. We joke around that he is "Little Brad." He is so much like his dad. It breaks my heart that he doesn't have his dad to watch him from the stands, or take him out to give him some pointers on shooting, or just to talk to. He is at that pivotal age that he needs his dad to answer questions about sports, about "guy stuff" and about life. It is again I am reminded of those 3 words from Ecclesiastes: "quit asking questions." How I wish it were that simple. I try. I tell myself there is a greater picture. My heart knows God has a better plan.  I know all of God's words to be true. I know He has a better plan. I know it was Brad's time. I trust God completely.  That doesn't change the fact that I miss Brad.  I just miss him so much.