Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A New Year

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (The Voice)
For everything that happens in life - there is a season, a right time for everything under heaven.


     Every day, I receive the verse of the day in my email from The Voice translation. Today, the first day of 2013, is my favorite verse - my life verse - my reassurance for all things good and bad. When I look at that date - 2013 - all sorts of things run through my mind. My first thought is how far away 2010 seems. My second thought is in 8 months, I will have a teenager in high school, and a pre-teen in middle school. My third thought is our family verse we have clung to since Brad died: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Yes, indeed. I've done things I would have never been able to do in my own strength…namely experience the death of my husband of 19 years, and raising 2 children on my own. Those are things that happen to other people, and you think "I don't know how he/she does it." Well, I know how I've done it: through the grace and love and strength of Jesus Christ. This is not the path I would've chosen, but I have chosen to follow the path God gave me. I don't want to give the illusion that this has been easy. It has been the most difficult, sad, challenging, heart-wrenching, darkest time of my life. However, all that said, I am still here on earth, and God is working in and through me. As I told Allie the other day, we are a small part of a bigger picture. God sees it and knows what is best, even when we don't see it or understand it - or even when we don't like it. It's not our call. It's not our plan. The only (and best) choice we have is to follow Him as closely as we can. We are human, and we fail on a continual basis. Yet, I know inside my heart that God understands and He is loving, and kind, and forgiving. Just as I, as a parent, have to teach and correct my children, God does the same with me. As soon as I ask for forgiveness, His loving arms wrap around me and I know I've been forgiven. Even when I do things over and over that I know do not please Him! What an amazing thing.

     When I began writing this blog in 2011, I was just coming out of the fog of being thrust into an unfamiliar, unexpected, unwanted tragedy. Today, on the first day of a new year, I see healing. I see where God has patched together pieces of my heart that were torn to shreds. My heart will never be the same, but it can and will be different…and that's ok. I have repeatedly said "My life has changed. My God has not." Someone mentioned to me the other day that they did not like change. Does anyone really like it? I think the answer is probably no, especially when it involves the loss of a spouse, a child, a grandparent, or even the loss of a life as we "expected or thought it was supposed to be." The one certain in life is death. It is sorrowful that some of us have to experience sooner than we would like, but not one of us is better than the other that we would be spared something so tragic. I have never said "Why me?" I've said "Why NOT me?" I will admit, though, I have said "Why MY children?" True to His nature, God gently reminds me "Why NOT your children? They were mine to begin with." I know He has something incredible planned for my children. While it pains me so much to see them hurt, I have to know that God is in control and He has a plan far greater than anything I could ever come up with.

     It is here that I find myself referencing my favorite verse again:

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (The Voice)
For everything that happens in life - there is a season, a right time for everything under heaven.


     This verse has seen me through many difficult times….many different seasons. Brad and I had a broken engagement. (I will add one word here: forgiveness.) We struggled with infertility for years, which affected our marriage. We moved 8 times in less than 15 years. Brad endured several jobs until he found the perfect one, only to have it turn into the worst one of all. The recession hit us like it did everyone else. However, through it all, I was reminded that there is a time for everything! God is not a God of chaos. He knew us before He even knitted us together in our mother's wombs. We only need to read David's words to have this reassurance:



Psalm 139

New Living Translation (NLT)
Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
12     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

     Verse 16 was emphasized by me. He has our days planned before we were are even born! He knew Brad would be taken when and where he was. Again, it doesn't make the situation easier, but it does give me a peace that passes all understanding. A peace that God gave me on the night I had to say goodbye to Brad. I distinctly remember telling my pastor that I had a peace about it. A peace I still have today. 

     Looking at the calendar, I see a lot of things. I see nearly 3 years of living life without someone I loved so, so much.  I also see a year full of possibilities. I see a year of things to look forward to. I see a year I know God has already planned for me and my children. My prayer for those of you reading my blog is this: that you may know that God is in control of your life, and that He has a plan greater than we can ever imagine. This life is fleeting, and there is a life ahead that is eternal…and far better than the one we are in now. I pray that you will understand and cling to Ecclesiastes 3:1, that there is a time for everything! Mostly, I pray that you will open your heart to receive God's peace for your life. That whatever your circumstances may be, God is there…He knows and understands…and regardless of what those circumstances are, He wants you to live your life for Him, knowing:  

For everything that happens in life - there is a season, a right time for everything under heaven.

Happy New Year!
Blessings to you all,
Jen