My Hope

My hope is that I am allowing God to use my life in the way He has planned. I am a "pack rat" of just about everything. Including email. Sometimes, I get motivated to clean out my email inbox….I won't tell you how many emails are there, but let's just say a whole bunch. I know several people who read and delete. Not me. While it most definitely is a type of clutter, sometimes it proves to be a type of comfort. I have run across a handful of emails sent to me from Brad, but also emails I have sent myself over the past 20 months. Today, I found this one.

Psalm 71:5 O Lord, you alone are my hope.
  I've trusted you, O Lord , from childhood.6 Yes, you have been with me from birth;
  from my mother's womb you have cared for me.
  No wonder I am always praising you!7 My life is an example to many,
  because you have been my strength and protection.8 That is why I can never stop praising you;
  I declare your glory all day long.

19 Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens.
  You have done such wonderful things.
  Who can compare with you, O God?20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
  but you will restore me to life again
  and lift me up from the depths of the earth.21 You will restore me to even greater honor
  and comfort me once again.

I feel very fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home. Like the verse says, I have trusted Him since childhood. I recognize the fact that my life truly is an example to many. I was listening to a sermon today by Dr. Adrian Rogers. It was titled "When Nothing Seems to Make Sense." He talked about how being a Christian doesn't mean life will be easy. As the verse says "You have allowed me to suffer much hardship…" But the verse doesn't stop there. It continues with "but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth." Because of that first sentence "Lord, you alone are my hope," I can believe that he will restore me to life again. I pray that my children will grasp this concept. Life is so hard. For some, it's harder than others. How do you live when you feel you are in the depths of the earth? Trust His word. Cling to it. 

Sunday night was a very difficult night for Allie. For some reason, she has had a history of Sunday nights triggering flashbacks and fears. God allowed me to do a lot of grieving last week. It was very, very hard - but necessary - and healing. As soon as Allie came to me with that quiver in her lip and tears in her eyes, the focus quickly went from "poor me" to "I have to get back to the responsibility God has given me of raising my children." We had a long talk, and as always, we read scripture and prayed. We have looked through so many children's devotional books, searching for comforting words. (I've felt from the beginning that this might be something God has planned for me to do, but not just yet.) In our search, we found a really good little lesson. It was about how children sometimes have a "comfort item" like a stuffed animal or a blanket to help them go to sleep or to feel safe at night. Allie found a lamb, "Chrissy," and a baby blanket, "Rosie," in the weeks following Brad's death. They don't always do the trick, and that is where this lesson came in. The story suggested that God's word could be our "comfort item" at night…that learning a special verse or passage could help us feel safe and comfort when we are scared or lonely. It's funny how something that was written for a child becomes such an eye-opener for an adult. There really is such a comfort in His word. I challenge you to find those words that speak to you. I am thankful that even though we don't necessarily hear an audible voice from God, we can read His word written so long ago and know that those words were meant for us, even now….and in those words are comfort and healing.